starless, starless nights

The nights had been starless.

Everytime I need hope or encouragement, I would stand by the doorway, light a cigarette and look up at the stars. It somehow makes me feel that there is a wonderful world out there, that life is beautiful. Something about the way they flicker in the dark night has this weird way of comforting the aching soul.

But the stars can't be around all the time. The past few days have been terribly rainy; clouds covered the sunshine during the day, and kept the stars hidden during the night. Where are the stars now that I need them? All I can feel is the rain, pouring like teardrops from heaven. I could hear the rhythm of raindrops, the burst of water falling from the sky. Like tears overflowing, it's like the angels above are feeling my pain.

I had seen it coming. I knew that once I fall, it would be a lot harder to get up. But I dared to dive. I had dared to venture into that deep forest where there might be no turning back once I get lost. And I am now lost. I'm going round in circles, trying to find my way out, only to realize that I've been going around the same places for so many times. It was my fault. I had ignored the signs. I ran towards the direction where my feet took me, where the wind blew. It was a move I had dared to take, and I can't blame anyone, not even myself, for it.

The rain poured the whole day as if it never wanted to stop. That night I was with him and some friends, I looked up at the overcast sky, trying to find a star--just one star, one sign that could tell me that this will get to something. All I needed was one star, one last string of hope I can hold on to. But the heavens have failed me.

Last night, as I was standing in the middle of an empty parking lot, I finally found my star. Not just one, but two, then three, and before I knew it, hundreds of stars were all shining again for me. After those turbulent, stormy days, the stars were there again. The night wasn't perfectly starry, but at least they were there. And as I look out at the window overlooking the Makati skyline on a beautiful Saturday morning like this, I know that the rainy days are over, at least for today.